did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
