I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
