Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You need Xanax blowdarts
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
