I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Randomize
