I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
