i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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