I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
