You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
