non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
All the doctor said was why
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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