Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
