i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
