I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
