Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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