sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
