like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
