I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
