the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
