Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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