i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
