I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
