nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
