I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Dignity is for republicans.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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