i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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