i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
