I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
kristin has been a bad kristin
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
