I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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