I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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