This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
