I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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