??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
