All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
