Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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