I just made out with a guy for $7.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Randomize
