dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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