Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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