"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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