I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
