does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you win again, gameday.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
