My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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