Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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