does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
