I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
