do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
