Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Randomize
