Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
