Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
She said her name was "party"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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