mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
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