i think my tv is drunk
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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