Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
So apparently I’m into choking now
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
