remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
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